There has been a lot of talk about Chicago making a bid for the 2016 Olympics. With that in mind, let me suggest some special events and features that Chicago could bring to the Games:
1. The Concrete Overshoe Dive – You only get one chance, so make it good.
2. The Clout Relay – The key is passing the baton without anybody seeing.
3. The "We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent" Opening Ceremonies – It will cut down on crowds.
4. Jesse Jackson – With so much media around, you know Jesse will be there.
5. All parking spaces will be reserved by folding chairs and other assorted household items. Don't even think about moving them.
6. With all their experience in drive-by shootings, our local gang members ought to do great in a summer version of biathlon.
7. Half of the track will be closed for resurfacing. Runners will be encouraged to use Ashland and Stony Island as alternates.
8. If you think there has been questionable scoring in figure skating and ice dancing, wait until you see what our judges can do.
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