A Better Way to Game the College Admission Game? Or Not.

The last few weeks the news has been full of articles, and pictures (because some of those involved are celebrities and good looking), of people who cheated in various ways to help get their kids into Ivy League and other colleges.  Bribes were paid to get coaches to say they wanted a kid or to get proctors to correct answers on SAT or ACT tests.  Amounts into six figures were paid.

Obviously, there are other ways this could have been done legally.  Seven- or eight-figure donations would work to get your kid admitted at some schools, but that might be beyond the means of some of these people.  Alternatively, if you start early enough, instead of bribing a coach, you could pay for lessons for some obscure sport and have your kid get good enough to make it that way.  (This might be particularly useful for a girl, what with Title IX requirements and all.)

But if none of those ideas would work, here’s another idea:  Instead of paying a bribe to some coach or college entrance “adviser,” hire a genealogist to research your family tree as far back as necessary until you can find some minority or other disadvantaged ancestor.  The lawsuit brought by a group called Students for Fair Admissions against Harvard has shown that being Black or Hispanic adds a couple hundred points to your SAT score.  So, you don’t need to have somebody correct your kid’s answers to get a higher score.  You just need to figure out a way to claim your kid is really Black or Hispanic or something else, and the college will do it for you.  The only thing you have to be careful about, though, is to not claim Asian-American status.  That will deduct points from your kid's score.
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NOTE: Because way too many people no longer have a sense of humor, let me say that this post is meant as humor – and nothing more.
UPDATE (5/20/19 3:10 pm): See an update, "Gaming College Admissions - Part Two," here.